About 'best college sports facilities'|...great fans of debate. They would make it a sport almost. A speech that would be given back... activist for anything. For CF'ers the best place to be an activist may actually be in...
A parents' guide for sending your child to college would have been helpful for my husband and I several Septembers ago. When the first of our three children was preparing to leave home for "the Heights" , also known as Boston College, we really enjoyed all the preparatory activities. Shopping seemed a breeze and much more enjoyable then those early school years when shopping for shoes always seemed a major dilemma. At eighteen our daughter could pretty much make all of her selections and even help financially with some of the smaller purchases. More than we had anticipated, we just sort of went along for the ride. We attended a parent orientation at B. C. and then the clouds began to figuratively gather overhead. We were proud that our first born had earned her way academically into what we considered to be an excellent college, but we had swept to the back of our minds how much of a change her leaving for college would make. The orientation took off the blinders for us and we began an emotional free fall which finally ended in tears all around as we left her behind and made our return trip home. Our second child pointed out, in case we hadn't noticed, that things would never be the same again. My husband and I recognized that this was only a third of the problem, we would have to go through this same emotional parting of the ways twice more in the very near future. Over time we came up with a plan for dealing with the incredible feeling of loss that so often accompanies sending your child to college. I decided to look at it through the prism often assigned to losing children to a marriage. With a few changes in the wording my philosophy became "It's not losing a child, its gaining a college". It served me well through three consecutive autumns of sending a child off to college for the first time. According to this philosophy I began seeing sending our daughter off as something positive instead of something negative and worked hard to act accordingly. Along the way I learned to do things which really made the parting and the staying parted interesting, educational, exciting, entertaining and most of all quite bearable. A good way to begin to make this philosophy of gaining a college instead of losing a child is to gather up all the information you can lay your hands or eyes on regarding your son's or daughter's college. Set some time aside every day for the first few weeks to digest material that you picked up at parent orientation or moving in day. Supplement those materials by a trip on line to the college website, usually accessible by typing in www. followed by the name of the school.edu. You will be amazed at the depth of material you will discover. You can read about the history of the school, its curriculum, campus buildings, special events, faculty, dormitories, student activities and sports. You can also usually find links to information about the town or city in which the school is located. What is the point of all this reading? You are immersing yourself in the world where your child now lives. You can't and shouldn't be there physically all the time. But with a few clicks of the keys you can feel oh so much closer. Getting to know the school inside out will make you feel just a little more connected to what is going on. When you talk or write to your son or daughter you will have a picture in your mind and you will frankly amaze yourself at how well you will understand what your son or daughter is talking about. A second way to gain a college instead of losing a child is to do your best to keep communication regular and to really pay attention to what is shared. It may sound silly to take notes of your conversation but it honestly helps to use a small notebook at first just to jot down names your son or daughter mentions. The people, places, courses and activities they mention have become part of their life. If you want to feel like you are gaining a college and not losing a child you will want to keep up with all that is being experienced. The names will come in a rush and it is far too easy in the excitement of the conversation to lose track of much of what is said. Writing at least a few things down into your understanding of the college experience of your child. Before you talk again, check your little notebook so you can re-immerse yourself in that world without constantly asking for your son or daughter to repeat or re-explain. Make the list of new friends, new buildings, new activities part of your life by careful listening and follow up by a trip to the computer. In your own home you can find ways to make the college your own, instead of just turning your child over to the college. Discover the college colors, mascot, song, motto and as seems appropriate incorporate some of those things into your own dwelling. A Clemson tiger paw on your driveway, a B.C. Eagle on your front door, the Black and White of the Providence College Friars can all symbolically connect you to your absent child. Wearing a Michigan State sweatshirt, a tee from Harvard or a baseball cap from Georgetown doesn't just grab the attention of your neighbors it keeps that studying son or daughter right there with you. Every time you use your Stanford coffee cup, chuck something in that Arizona State wastebasket or write with your Baylor pen your will recall that this is now your adopted college. You may be surprised to see that the college seems to respond to your desire to "gain a college". You can keep close to that student of yours by taking up some of the college's suggestions for interaction. Sure you will want to attend that parents' weekend and be on campus with your child in the flesh. But you might also see a college football game, attend on campus concert or play or occasionally even show up when a visiting celebrity on campus t draws your attention. All such activities cant provide a convenient excuse to stop by and visit the campus and your child. Even if you don't live close to the college campus that now houses your child, you can subscribe to parents periodicals that will at least give you a taste of what is happening on campus. Following the news generated from the school keeps you tucked into a sense of community with your child even at a distance. Knowing about the success and accomplishments of school teams, professors, administrators and other students can help to make your child's college experience less foreign to you and more a part of your own life. Finally, you can really feel like you have not lost a son or daughter but gained a college when you make every effort to offer hospitality to your child's roommate or new college friends. Bringing these special young people into your family circle means constructing a comfort zone for yourself. Getting to know your child's friends, where they come from, what they like to do, what they are studying and perhaps eventually getting to know their parents may be the most important step you can take to relaxing into what at first may seem a great emotional split. Eventually we came to realize that our second child was right when we sent that firstborn daughter off to college. Things never will be the same. But what we had to learn was that different is always different but it doesn't have to be bad. A parents guide for sending your child to college really does rest on the old wedding adage. Learn all you can about the school, pay close attention to your conversations with your son or daughter, adopt the school colors, mascot and motto, accept the schools many invitations to visit and stay connected and welcome your child's new friends into your family with open arms. The rewards for all this effort may not appear immediately. But over time you will discover that all of your efforts to adopt this new school mean that you are moping less and embracing your new school more. Best of all when you it is time to take your child back for a second year you will be amazed to find the joy you will take in leaving your child among friends in a place you too can almost call home. That's right you don't have to lose that son or daughter you really can gain a college. |
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